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Q: The only way I have ever orgasmed has been with the use of my favorite toy, an electric toothbrush. It is what I use during intercourse with my boyfriend, and when I am with myself. It seems that my clitoris needs that intense vibrating power to bring me to climax - rubbing, petting, even at fast speeds, just don't do the trick (although I occasionally orgasm in my sleep!)…I am worried that by using an electric toothbrush I am maybe somehow decreasing my clitoris' sensitivity, or somehow damaging it through the intensity of the vibrations (even though they feel so good!)?

It isn't possible to desensitize your clitoris through masturbation … what is possible is to habituate yourself so strongly to a certain type of stimulation that it's almost impossible to achieve orgasm any other way. And that sounds like what you've done.

This isn't really a problem, if you're happy to keep an electric toothbrush on hand at all times. But if you're interested in developing the ability to orgasm without the toothbrush, here's a few things you can try:

• First: Don't masturbate for a week or so. Yeah, it sounds horrible, but the idea is to make yourself a little desperate.
• Second: Buy a different vibrator. If you're used to really intense stimulation, start with something like a Hitachi Magic Wand.
• Third: Use both vibrators at first. Get yourself close with the new toy, and then switch to the toothbrush if you really can't climax with the new vibe. Eventually, the goal is to get to where you can orgasm with a different toy.
• Fourth: Once you can orgasm with either toy, try buying a less intense vibrator, or try something totally different like a shower massager. Or get a small fingertip vibrator (or "massage gloves") for your boyfriend to wear during sex, and use on you. If he's game, you could even try a vibrating cock ring, to help with "hands free" stimulation.
• Fifth: Don't worry too much about it. If you've only been orgasming with one method for years, it will take a while to learn something new. The idea is to un-train yourself from thinking you can only orgasm one way.

Basically, what you've done is really strongly reinforced a single neural pathway associating orgasm and your toothbrush. It will take time to build new pathways, but it certainly can be done, if you feel it's important. The fact that you can orgasm in your sleep means your body knows how without the toothbrush.

You may never get to a point where you can orgasm without mechanical help, but that's not uncommon. The trick is to just train yourself to have more than one option.

Q: I looked on an adult toy web site and I don't understand the purpose of a butt plug. Why would someone want to plug their butt?

Well, first off, for the most part people who use butt plugs aren't actually trying to plug their butts. (Unless, of course, there's some kind of kinky Dom-sub bowel control game going on … but let's forget about that idea for now, and get down to basics.)

There are a hell of a lot of nerve endings in and around the human anus, which can feel really good when rubbed on. For men, there's the added bonus of the prostate gland located along the forward wall of the rectum, right where it can be stimulated by anal penetration. For those who can let go of society's taboos surrounding their posterior orifice, putting things in one's butt can be very pleasurable. And that brings us to butt plugs.

Dildos are fine and dandy for anal stimulation, unless you want to take your hands off the toy and do something else for a while, such as receiving or giving oral sex, having vaginal sex, or what have you. Dildos tend to slip out, sometimes quite suddenly, when the anal sphincter contracts (as it does when you have an orgasm)*. Even worse, dildos without flared bases can slip all the way in to the rectum, sometimes requiring medical assistance for removal. (If you don't want to use a butt plug, always buy dildos with flared bases, often advertised as "harness compatible", for anal play. Or use specialty anal toys with strings or handles for easy removal.)

Butt plugs are shaped with a flared base, narrow neck, and large "head", so they can't slip all the way into the rectum, and can also be held in place by the sphincter muscle to prevent sudden ejection. They allow users to enjoy "hands free" anal stimulation while they're enjoying other sexual (or non-sexual) activities.

*Bad Idea: Using a dildo anally while having missionary position vaginal sex. Butt plugs, on the other hand, will not eject suddenly, and strike your male partner with great force in the scrotum when you have an orgasm.

Q: A man's balls are very sensative to any pushing or pulling so what's the purpose of ball dividers, stretchers etc.?

First things first (for those readers not "in the know" about such toys): Ball stretchers are devices designed to fasten around the scrotum, above the testicles, forcing the testicles further away from the body. They range from relatively small cuffs to elaborate contraptions with weights hanging off them, padlocks, spikes and all sorts of other elaborations. Ball dividers are similar devices with a strap or other "divider" at the bottom end, which fastens between the testicles and separates them.

Now, "why in the hell would anyone want to do that to their poor balls" is probably the most common reaction upon a man's first sighting of either device. And it's a valid question, for the reasons you mention. Why would you want to, seemingly painfully, distort such a sensitive part of your body?

For starters, different people have different tolerance levels for physical sensation. One man might be reduced to fits of giggles by his partner attempting to stroke his testicles during oral sex … another man buys ball stretchers with lead weights hanging off them.

For people with a high tolerance for sensation, a "mild" ball stretcher likely won't even register as painful. During arousal, most folks become somewhat less sensitive to pain. If you've ever enjoyed having a partner dig their nails into your back during sex, and only the next day realized they'd left painful welts behind, you know exactly what I mean. At the time, it probably felt great!

The same effect, to a more extreme degree, is part of what lies behind all S/M play. During sexual arousal, many sensations that might otherwise register as pain just feel "really intense" (and often very good) instead. And some people actually do enjoy erotically inflicted pain as well.

For people who enjoy that sort of thing, ball stretchers and other such devices exist to cause extreme sensation in an already sensitive part of the body.