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Q: As soon as my husband enters me he cums in 2-3 strokes, and our sex finishes in a few seconds. Sometimes he cums without even entering me. So I'm not able to enjoy my sex life. Please suggest any medicine or treatment for my husband, so that we can enjoy our sex life.

Premature ejaculation is a surprisingly common problem. Although most men only experience PE once in a while, some unlucky guys (and it sounds like your husband is unfortunately one of them) have a chronic, ongoing problem with PE.

There are a few commonly recommended work-arounds, and the hope with all of them is that the man will get used to not ejaculating so quickly, and be able to have normal sex without worry eventually. If he's had this problem for a long time, there's a good chance it will take a while to fix it (and if he's had this problem his whole life, there's a good chance he'd benefit from professional help).

First, I'll list some methods people use to try and delay ejaculation:

• The "Squeeze" Method: When your husband feels like he's really close to ejaculating, he tells you, and you quickly squeeze the end of his penis like so: Put your thumb on the bottom of the penis, just beneath the head, and wrap your other fingers around behind the top of the head. Squeeze your thumb against your other fingers, and hold it for a few seconds until your husband says he's not about to come any more. Then resume intercourse until he's about to orgasm again, and repeat the squeeze as necessary until you're both ready for him to cum.
• The Interruption Method: When your husband feels he's really close to ejaculating, he stops whatever he's doing and just sits still for a few seconds until he calms down a little. If, as you say, he sometimes orgasms before he even penetrates you, you may need to try something more serious (like the Squeeze) before the Interruption method will work.
• Heavy Condoms: An "extra strength" condom features thicker latex than normal condoms, which helps reduce sensation for the man. (Durex and Lifestyles both offer extra strength styles) If that isn't enough to slow him down, you can also try …
• Desensitizing Cream: Desensitizing creams are applied to the head of the penis shortly before sex, and then wiped off when the desired level of numbness is reached. By reducing the sensation felt in the most sensitive part of the man's penis, he can often delay ejaculation considerably. However, putting on too much of these gels or creams can either cause the man to lose his erection, or cause numbness in the woman. A good way to avoid that risk is to use Durex Performax condoms or Trojan Extended Pleasure condoms, which feature a special inner lubricant that help numb the penis slightly, without affecting the woman.
• Kegel Exercises: As I described in my post to the man who wanted to ejaculate longer, kegel exercises can also help premature ejaculators, by strengthening some of the muscles that control ejaculation, as well as giving the man more control over them. To do a kegel, you squeeze your pelvic muscles like you are trying to stop peeing. Since cum also exits through the urethra, being able to "close" your urethra at will allows a man to stop ejaculation also.

Next, I'll list some techniques that will help you enjoy sex with your husband even when he does suffer premature ejaculation. The really great thing about these tips is that they can also help solve the real problem, because PE is often related to anxiety about being able to perform sexually. If you can both learn to enjoy sex together without even worrying about when he orgasms, it can relieve his possible anxiety enough that it's not a problem in the first place!

• Use toys on yourself: If you can use a little vibrator on yourself, and have an orgasm during foreplay or very quickly after penetration, when your husband penetrates you, even if he comes almost immediately, you've already had an orgasm too.
• Try a cock ring: Cock rings fit snugly around the base of the penis and scrotum. They work by restricting the exiting blood flow of the penis, so a man can get an erection, but it's very hard to lose it. If your husband were able to maintain his erection after he ejaculates, then you could continue having sex long enough for you to have an orgasm also. Then, when you're both satisfied, he takes the cock ring off, and the erection goes away. (Be careful to get a cock ring that stretches, or one that adjusts with snaps, or has another adjustment method to tighten and remove it. Using a cock ring that's too small, and doesn't stretch enough to remove, can mean a trip to the hospital!)
• Don't always "have sex": If your husband can bring you to orgasm with oral sex, or toys, or you can use a vibrator during foreplay, you can both have orgasms without even trying to have him penetrate you. You could give each other oral sex, or he could use a toy on you while you give him a blow job, or he could masturbate himself while he watches you use a toy. The idea here is that you both have fun together, and you both get off, and he learns that orgasms and penetration are not always connected.
• Masturbate him first: If he has one orgasm, and then you fool around together until he can get a second erection, you can have regular sex the second time he gets up. Since he's already come once, he probably won't orgasm as quickly the second time, and since you've gotten a lot of extra foreplay, you'll be turned on enough that you should be able to come more quickly than usually. Hopefully, your orgasms meet somewhere in the middle. If he comes quickly the second time, you can always keep fooling around and see if the third time really is a charm!

The other common way of approaching premature ejaculation is through therapy. Finding a couples counselor who has experience dealing with premature ejaculation may help both of you. They'll be able to work with you to create exercises to do together to help your husband relax and last longer. The downside of professional therapy is that it's a lot more expensive than the other options here … so you might want to try some of them first, and consider counseling if nothing seems to be helping.

Q: What are some standing-up sex positions? I am a girl, and my boyfriend is strong enough to lift me up for long amounts of time…but I need some options, here.

Well, first I wrote down all the standing positions I could think of, and then I went looking for other sources, to see if I missed anything. I was hoping there were more standing sex positions than I'd come up with, but human anatomy has its limitations, and it seems my imagination was equal or better than any of the reference sites I found.

I'm pretty sure any other positions would involve serious contortionism, but if you do come up with any others that work, please leave a comment on this post and share them!

Naturally, any of these positions that involve both parties standing (hands or feet) on the ground will have issues with your height relative to one another. No worries though … if you have a staircase handy, or a small footstool or step ladder, most height problems can be resolved pretty easily!

So, without further ado: Four standing sex positions, with variations:

1. "Evolved Dog" or, Rear-Entry Probably the most obvious and perhaps most common of the standing sex positions, this one has a lot of different names. I like "evolved dog," because it's just doggy style standing on two legs … *cymbal crash* … Anyhow, the idea is that the woman stands with her back to the man, bends over to some degree, and he enters her from behind. Also works great for anal penetration.

   Variations: Put one leg up on a stair step, or stool, or chair, to change the angle of penetration. Lean over a counter top or kitchen appliance … or whatever else is handy. Lean against the wall. Don't lean on anything, and have the rear partner hold your hips, then reach back and hold his wrists.

2. "Tango" or, Face-to-Face, supported The basic position here is a couple standing facing each other, the woman's arms around the man's shoulders/torso, with one of the woman's legs raised, to facilitate penetration. Great for couples who want to hug and kiss during sex … or listen to tango music.

   Variations: The man can stand in front of a chair or ladder, so the woman can support her leg by resting her foot on it. The man can lift the woman's leg for her, by hooking his arm under the crook of her knee (generally also resting his hand on her buttocks … or could be manually stimulating her anus). The woman could stand with her back to the wall, bend her leg sharply, and brace her foot on the wall. The woman could stand on a stair step or small platform, and wrap her leg behind the man's leg (since raising the leg wouldn't be necessary).

3. "Carrier" or, Face-to-Face, suspended This is probably the group of positions you were thinking of when you mentioned the fact your boyfriend could hold you up. The basic position is facing each other, with the woman's arms around the man's shoulders, and her legs around his waist. The man helps support the woman with his hands under her buttocks.

   Variations: Resting the woman's back against a wall can help support her weight. If the man stands in front of a wall, the woman can brace her feet on the wall to help with thrusting. The man can hook his elbows under the woman's knees to change the angle of penetration. If the man's arms start getting tired, he can move to where the woman can sit on a counter-top or table, while he remains standing. Flexible women might be able to rest their legs on their partner's shoulders, for maximum penetration depth.

4. "Wheelbarrow" or, some kind of fucked-up handstand Remember the "wheelbarrow" game when you were a kid? One kid had their hands on the ground, and the other kid picked up their legs at the knees, like wheelbarrow handles, and walked them around on their arms. Fast forward (quite) a few years, take off your clothes, and get the person holding up your legs to take a step or two further forward, and you have the Wheelbarrow standing sex position. Your arms are in push-up position, and your man stands behind you, holding you up by the hips, while you wrap your legs around his lower back. Sort of a modified standing position, since he's the only one on his feet, but there you go.

   Variations: The woman could rest her elbows on a bed, couch, etc. The man could kneel on the bed, with the woman on the floor in front of him. Both partners could move up onto the bed, with the man kneeling and the woman resting on her elbows, or laying on her chest. The woman could lay on her back, resting on her shoulders, on the bed, while the man stood next to the bed, holding up her hips.

Honorable Mention: Vertical 69 Just what it sounds like … the woman wraps her legs around the man's shoulders, and her arms around his hips. He holds her up by wrapping his arms around her waist. They perform oral sex on each other. Or at least they try to, for as long as the woman can hold on without blacking out or getting a serious headache.

Q: I just can't seem to get the girl-on-top position right…how would you go about doing it and not getting tired out?

I must admit, "female superior" has never been one of my favorite positions … but every so often, it has been really great. And there are some definite differences between "meh" and "mindblowing," technique-wise. Assuming you're starting from a kneeling position, here are a few tips for making things a little easier for yourself:

Have him sit up. If he's sitting up against the wall, or a pile of pillows, you can lean on him. Wrap your arms around his shoulders, so you can use your upper body strength to keep your balance and lift yourself up.

Rock back and forth. You don't have to bounce up and down the whole time … try sliding your hips back and forth, or side to side, or whichever direction you like, while letting most of your weight rest on his hips. It'll give your knees and thigh muscles a break.

Rest on your hands. Bend forward and put the palms of your hands on his chest, or on either side of his body, and hold yourself up that way for a while. (Or lean back and rest your hands on his legs …) This works really well in conjunction with the "sliding your hips back and forth" maneuver.

Hold hands. Grab hold of his hands, palm to palm, and hold them up in front of you … then lean on them a little, or pull against them to make lifting yourself up a little easier. So long as he doesn't go spaghetti-arms on you, this can be surprisingly helpful.

Get him to do some of the work! Really now, when he's on top, you don't just lay there like a blow-up doll, do you? I'm rather surprised how many men do just lay there like lumps while the woman's on top. Try putting his hands on your hips, and see if he's not suddenly inspired to help out a little more. Once he gets his hips moving a little, you can sync yourself to his movements, and use him like a springboard. ;-) (Works even better if he gets a little lifting action going with his hands.)

Q: How do I give a blow job?

I've actually had this question raised twice since my cunnilingus do's and don'ts post went up, so I've bumped it to the top of the queue …

So, you want to give good blow jobs? I'm going to start sounding like a broken record if I keep saying "pay attention to you partner's reactions" in all of my how-to posts, but that really ought to be at the top of any sex how-to list. And I assume pretty much everyone understands that fellatio involves putting your partner's penis in your mouth … That said, here are a few more specific tips, in no particular order:

No teeth. That point may change if you're with the same guy for a long time, and he trusts you and enjoys more intense stimulation, but for the most part you're just going to scare people if your teeth touch their penis. Practice making an "O" shape with your mouth while keeping your lips pulled in over your teeth.

Don't choke yourself. Sure, people make a lot of noise about deep throating, and it's a great little trick of you can manage to do it comfortably, but don't push yourself until you gag. If you can't comfortably get the man's penis all the way in your mouth, use your hand to squeeze the shaft of the penis while your mouth works on the head … much like I recommended men concentrate on the clitoris when going down, the glans of the penis is the most sensitive part for the man.

Keep things wet. Most lubricants taste like crap, so you don't really want to pump your hand full of lube when you start, but you definitely don't want to chafe any sensitive parts while you're down there. Saliva is your friend here. If you can take his penis all the way to the back of your mouth a few times, your saliva will naturally get a bit thicker, and therefore much more useful as a lubricant. But if you can't manage that without gagging, just work up some excess saliva one way or another, and spread it around with your tongue. And no, he won't mind if you drool on him a little here … ;-)

Spit or swallow, but make up your mind. While most men would certainly prefer you swallow, he's not going to be crushed if you spit. If you're going to spit, have a tissue handy before you start. If you're going to swallow, have a drink ready if the taste bothers you. Whichever you choose, just don't make a lot of faces or icky noises … nobody wants their partner acting like oral sex is some kind of disgusting "duty" they're barely tolerating. (Personally, I'd say swallowing is easier … no mess, no bother. Even if you think it tastes nasty, do you really want to have to swish it around in your mouth long enough to spit it all back out?)

You don't have to finish. If you're terribly worried about the spit or swallow thing, or if your jaw feels like it's about to crack, or you're getting a neck ache, or just really not enjoying yourself, stop. But stop nicely. Most guys are pretty understanding if you say your neck is getting sore … and I've found that climbing back up the guy's body and getting down to a little girl-on-top business usually works just fine. ;-)

Use your hands. Besides just squeezing the base of his penis, you can use your hand to fondle his testicles (be gentle though! they're quite sensitive!). Another good one: wrap your hand around his shaft, and keep your hand against your mouth as you slide your mouth all the way off his penis, squeezing your hand a little at the very top, then slide your mouth back down (lips against your hand) as far as you can (… and do make sure everything is nice and slick when you do it). Many guys seem to need a certain level of 'fast and hard' towards the end to orgasm, and that technique is a relatively easy way to go fast without worrying about gagging yourself or dislocating your jaw.

Pace yourself. You don't have to go all-out from the start. He's not going to mind if you familiarize yourself with the territory before getting serious about the grand finale. Play around a little. Listen to the noises he's making, and if he suggests something he'd like you to do, give it a try! When he's acting really excited, or actually says he's getting close to orgasm, then you can start on the 'fast and hard' (or whatever it is that really seems to get him going).

You have a tongue, so use it. You don't have to do a Deep Throat impersonation the whole time, or pretend you're a Hoover vacuum. See if you can swirl your tongue in a circle around the head of his penis. Flicker your tongue against the skin just below the underside of the head. Lick up and down the entire shaft a few times. Find out what he really likes, and do it a while longer. Playing with your tongue is a great way to take a break from the head-bobbing action if your neck is getting a little tired.

Let him watch. You might be worried about how you'll look while you're performing fellatio, but the man on the receiving end is not going to be critiquing your hairdo, believe me. Leave a light on (even just a candle, if you're feeling shy), and kneel between his legs so he can look down at you while you're doing it. Look up at him once in a while too, and make a little noise to show you like what you're doing.

Have fun with it. No matter what your level of skill, the guy will enjoy it more if you're enjoying yourself too. Go ahead and use some whipped cream or chocolate syrup if it sounds like fun, go down on him in the shower, or try the 69 position some time. Giving head isn't all about being a hard core blow job queen … any kind of sex is best when everyone's having fun!

Q: How do I give a woman oral sex? What do they like?

There's never a truly universal answer to a question like that … as soon as I say "and they definitely DON'T like THIS", someone will pop up and beg to differ. However, there are a few general hints that will at least get you started on the right track. Then if you meet a woman who really wants you to bite her or something, feel free to get creative. ;-)

Do know your anatomy. The clitoris is what you're going for here. 3DVulva.com can show you the way if you're in doubt. However, do also keep in mind that not all women like direct clitoral stimulation. If your partner squirms away a little, or says "ouch" or anything, try a new angle … off to one side, or on the clitoral hood instead of the actual clitoris itself.

Don't act like a kid with an ice cream cone. Some full-contact licking is nice here and there, but the tip of your tongue is your real weapon of choice in this endeavor. Practice this on your own: try to flicker the tip of your tongue up and down rapidly against your fingertip, without losing contact. The longer you can keep going, the better.

Do shave first (unless you have a full beard). Sandpaper is not a woman's friend down there, and having to worry about whether or not you're giving her stubble burn while simultaneously paying attention to what your tongue is doing is just going to stack the cards against you from the start.

Don't use your teeth. Men ask the same thing of women … quid pro quo.

Do use your hands. The g-spot is not a myth. There is an area along the top of the vagina (if the woman is laying on her back), about halfway up the vaginal wall, that is a definite hot button for many women. Using a finger in a "come here" motion in that area can be quite the bonus maneuver for some women … other women find it a bit overwhelming, but might still quite enjoy 'straight' digital penetration.

Don't make faces or unpleasant noises. A lot of women are really concerned about how they smell or taste … and this is definitely the time to remember Mom's advice: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." This is probably the #1 reason some women are uncomfortable getting oral sex. If there is genuinely a problem in this department, during cunnilingus is definitely not the time to talk about it. (On the other hand, making comments about how good the woman smells or tastes is a definite Do!)

Do tease a bit. Start out slow and soft. You don't have to go straight for the clit right at the get-go. Build a little suspense by tickling the whole area with your tongue first. Get everything wet, and get her good and turned on. Then go for the jackpot.

Don't worry if she doesn't have an orgasm from cunnilingus. If you're new at it, or she's a little nervous about it, the big O probably won't happen. While meeting a man who can give you an orgasm orally is a truly wonderful thing, oral sex also a fantastic bit of foreplay (or a very very nice intermission!) even without the grand finale.

Do give her some control. Unless you're playing bondage games, letting your partner move around while you're going down benefits both of you. She knows where it feels best, so let her show you. Pay attention and you'll notice where she moves her legs and how the wiggles her hips, and you'll pick up some hints about her favorite angles and positions.

Don't be afraid to ask. The quickest way to learn what someone likes is to ask them. Hopefully, your female partner is open enough to tell you when she does or doesn't like something, so feel free to ask her if there's anything in particular she'd like you to do … although you can still learn a whole lot just by paying attention to the way she reacts to what you're doing, if one or both of you is too shy to discuss it.

As with anything, all women are different. Some like harder, more direct clitoral stimulation, some like a more gentle approach … some women would be happy if their partner did nothing but cunnilingus all the time, some women prefer it as a foreplay-only activity … some women orgasm easily via oral sex, some women will never come that way. Just experiment, pay attention, and practice, practice, practice!

An anonymous visitor submitted the following comment, in response to my answer to Average Penis Size, don't worry about it. I thought it raised some good points, and deserved a proper response:

Dear Miss Sex Advice,

You missed the mark when you told the 11 year old not to worry about
his penis size. Sure, you told him the answer every text book says. But the thing is, at his age, it's the *only* think he worries about. And with all the viagra commercials and emails around, it's no wonder.

What you didn't tell him, was that even when he gets older, penis size doesn't matter one lick. The truth is: women don't care about the size of a penis. Bigger is not necessarily better no matter what the kids in the locker room say or the hundreds of emails in the email box.

Just thought I'd write in with that little tidbit.

While I fully agree that "bigger is not necessarily better," I'm afraid I can't get behind "women don't care about the size of a penis," and I feel I'd be doing the kid who originally asked a disservice to feed him one of the oldest and most misleading lines in the book. Like I said in the first question asked on the site, women do care about penis size. I am a woman, and I have known a lot of women in my life, and almost all of us care about penis size. We're like Golidlocks and the Three Bears: some are too big, some are too small … but the good news is that most of them are well within the range of "just right". And the even better news for you guys is that every woman has a different standard of too big, too small and just right, so there's plenty of options out there for everyone.

Sure, an 11 year old boy is going to worry about whether or not he's normal size no matter what anyone says … just like I worried about whether or not I'd ever grow tits when I was 11. That part is normal, and I think the best answer for a boy worrying about his penis size is the same as the best answer for a girl worrying about her breast size: You're too young to know what size it/they will be when you grow up, and no matter what size it/they end up being, it will work out fine. Some guys really like big tits, some guys prefer small ones, and some guys don't give a good goddamn. So it goes with women and penises: Some of us like 'em big, some of us prefer smaller ones, and some women really don't care.

Q: I'm an anal virgin, so to speak. Can you really lose muscle control if you have lots of anal sex? It would be embarrassing to have "accidents" if you had no control. Also, is it recommended to have an enema before you engage in it? The idea of a feces covered penis isn't too arousing to me.

Both good questions … First off, if you're careful not to damage the anal sphincter muscle, you shouldn't experience any loss of bowel control no matter how much anal sex you have. Like any other muscle, the anal sphincter can be stretched and exercised to accommodate and compensate for quite a lot of activity. ;-) However, it is possible to damage the muscle if you're not taking reasonable precautions, and if the sphincter is damaged, it can lose a degree of function. So, to avoid that, just keep the following things in mind:

1. Lube is your friend. Oh yes, yes it is. You'll want to use a fairly thick lubricant that doesn't lose its "slip" too quickly (forget KY jelly … it's not fit to be used for anything but medical exams). If you're using a latex condom or latex toy, don't use an oil-based lubricant. If you're using any other sort of toy, make sure your lube is compatible with the toy material. You can test a small amount of your lube on the base of the toy, and see if there's a reaction (low grade silicone toys, for instance, can degrade when used with silicone lubricant). I personally use glycerin-based lube, but some women find glycerin can trigger yeast infections … ick! A lot of lube companies make sample-size packets, so try a few different brands out until you find one you like.

2. Take it slow. If you try to penetrate quickly, especially your first few times, it will be really uncomfortable. Stretching the sphincter muscle too fast will cause a truly unbearable burning sensation. This is actually why you should NOT use a "numbing" lube, even though they're commonly marketed for anal play … pain is a warning sign of potential muscle or tissue damage, so you definitely want to be fully aware of it.

I'd actually recommend buying a small dildo or butt plug, and trying it on yourself a few times before trying full anal penetration with your partner. Or, if your partner is game, practicing with a lubed-up finger is also a good way to "ease" into things, without risking pain or muscle damage … and it's a great enhancement to oral sex, for both male and female recipients!

3. Relax. Learning to relax the anal sphincter at will is the biggest thing to master at first. It can help if you "push" against the toy (or finger, or what have you) as it penetrates, because pushing encourages the sphincter muscle to open. Once a small toy or finger is no longer a challenge, relaxing enough to enjoy regular anal sex or larger anal toys shouldn't be any problem at all.

If you're still at all concerned about loss of muscle tone or control, the Kegel exercise is not only a great way for women to build greater vaginal muscle control, but it also tones your anal sphincter muscle as well. If you're not familiar with how to do a Kegel, just squeeze your pelvic muscles as though you're trying to "hold it" when you really have to pee … you'll notice your anus tightens along with everything else. A few Kegels a day, and any lingering worries about bowel control are history.

Now … as for enemas. Personally, I prefer using a small enema (also known as an anal douche) beforehand, for exactly the reason you mention. I also recommend using a condom for convenience as well as disease prevention. I even use condoms on my toys for anal play. Clean up afterward? Toss the condom, give everything a good once-over with an anti-bacterial cleaning wipe, and you're done. Unless you're playing in the shower (or you are turned on by the mess), I think "preventative hygiene" is definitely the way to go.

Q: Before i was with my current girlfriend, I'd only had sex 4 times. Any pointers for overcoming a lack of experiance? (not nessicarally "tricks" but things to consider, or things to keep in mind)

Hmm. Well, I'd say the most important thing is to pay attention to your partner. It's pretty easy to get carried away with how things feel for you, and not always notice how she's reacting to what you're doing. While you may both still be having loads of fun, there's no substitute for knowing what she really enjoys, and there's no way to learn that without paying attention! Here's a few ideas:

• What kind of noises does she make when she gets close to orgasm? (Or does she get really quiet?) Listen when you change positions and see which ones seem to excite her most. It might also be a question of tempo; does she prefer it when you speed up or slow down? (You don't have to only do her most favorite things, but it's always good to know what they are so you can use them at the right time!)

• Is she forward enough to just tell you what she likes? If so, count yourself lucky! If she blurts out something like "Oh god yes, don't stop," you can safely take that as a hint.

• Read, read, read! There may be no substitute for hands-on experience, but book learning has its place too. A straightforward, well-researched book like "Our Bodies, Ourselves" will teach you a lot of solid fundamentals about female anatomy and sexual response. As much as sex is a matter of personal preference, knowing where nerve endings are particularly concentrated and having a good idea of what a lot of other women have to say about their own sexual experiences will give you a good idea of new things to try, and a better understanding of how it all works.

• If you talk about sex (and you should!), pay attention to how she reacts to different topics. She might be shy about saying no, but you'll definitely be able to tell if she's lukewarm about something. Go with the things that really interest her, don't push the things that don't, and you'll establish trust that may lead to more adventuresome activities in the future.

• Some women enjoy pornography or erotic literature, some don't. If she's open to that sort of thing, it's a great way to explore new ideas that interest you both. Again, just pay attention to what interests her most, and what seems to leave her cold.

There are very few things in life more fun than having a sex partner who's turned on by turning you on, and the more you can do to become that kind of partner for her, the more she's likely to do to return the favor.

Q: What do you think are the biggest sexual misconceptions men have about women?

Ooh, that's a tough one. I very much hate to frame any answer on this site according to "men" and "women" as general groups, because there is really no generalization you can make about either group that's going to be accurate across the board, except perhaps "both men and women have a large concentration of nerve endings in their genital areas." (Even an assertion as seemingly safe as "men have penises, women have vaginas" would raise some eyebrows in the transgender community.) That said, you asked, so I'll try to come up with a somewhat useful answer, and I do love making lists, so here goes …

1. Men Who Don't "Need" Directions … Some men I have met, who were numerically much more experienced than I was, had serious gaps in their understanding of women's sexual anatomy. A major pointer: The clitoris is outside the woman's vagina. Assuming you have no problem finding the vagina: If a woman is laying on her back, the clitoris is a rather obvious "bump" perhaps an inch above the vaginal opening. It is covered by a fold of skin, right where the inner labia join together. 3Dvulva.com has a nice diagram of the area.

2. Nice Girls Don't [insert sex act here] … Give blow jobs? Have anal sex? Enjoy sex in general? This is not a solely male misconception … sadly, a lot of women believe they either won't or shouldn't enjoy certain things, without having given themselves a chance to even try them first. Often times politically-minded "socially aware" men and women are as much at risk of this one as more stereotypically repressed religious folks. However, I have plenty of "nice" female friends who very much enjoy all sorts of sex acts. It can't hurt to ask, or suggest, something you'd like to try with your partner. (And if she leaves you for even suggesting it, well, perhaps she's not really the girl for you?)

3. Women Need Someone to Take Charge in the Bedroom … Well sure, some of us like that. Some of us don't. Some of us like that sometimes, and not other times. And some of us might like it very much, but only from men who don't go around making ridiculous overly-dominant assumptions about it beforehand. Not every girl wants to be swept off her feet and carried to Prince Charming's castle. Some of us would just as soon follow on our own horse, in case we decide we'd like to leave afterward. And we most assuredly do NOT "just need the right man to show us our place."

4. Women are naturally monogamous … This assumption is often backed up by a pseudo-scientific speech about cavemen, and how men "need" to spread their genetic material as far and wide as possible, while a woman will naturally try to attract and "keep" one man who can support and protect her and her offspring. This is crap. I personally like to think of monogamy as being a variable, individual thing, rather like the popular conception of hetero- and homo-sexuality being two points at opposite ends of a continuum of sexual preference. There are people (both men and women) who are like swans: pair bonded until death do they part. There are people (both men and women) who are like bonobos: Anything goes with anyone you like, whenever, where-ever, whatever. There are people who like one partner at a time, but not for very long. And people who like multiple partners as a "bonus" sort of thing to enjoy with their primary partner … and so on, and so forth.

5. If You "Keep it Up" Long Enough She Will Come … No, she very well may not. A woman not having an orgasm does not necessarily mean you're not big enough, or didn't last long enough. It may very well mean you need to go up and revisit item #1 on this list, and develop your technique beyond "in and out and in and out" though… I once knew a woman who claimed to have dozens of orgasms every time she had sex. I thought perhaps she didn't know what an orgasm was (or maybe that her boyfriend was Superman), until I talked to one of her former partners, who verified that she did indeed "seem like she had an orgasm every minute or so." So yes, some women are lucky enough to be able to orgasm from their partner's pelvic thrusting alone, but it's generally not the norm. My advice? Skip the Viagra and get creative.

Q: Does size really matter?

As this question appears on pretty much every sex Q&A column I've ever read, it seems fitting it would be our first query here at Things You Can't Ask Mom. And the answer is, yes, it absolutely does. Of course it does! Men come in all different sizes, right? Well, newsflash folks: so do women. I fail to see where anyone gets off saying "no, size doesn't matter" … unless they're just not very experienced, or they have the vaginal muscle control of an advanced tantric master.

Yes, almost any woman can both give birth and keep a tampon in place inside her vagina, amazingly elastic, versatile things that they are. However, childbirth is not something most women would choose to do recreationally, and tampons are so small as to become unnoticeable to most women within a few seconds after insertion … neither of these extremes is something you want your penis compared to, I'd think.

But here's the deal: there is a great deal of latitude in the size range within which a penis will be perfectly capable of satisfying most women. Bigger is NOT always better. While I do I know one woman who dated a man with a 12" cock and said it was the most wonderful thing she'd ever had, that very same man, years later, dated another female acquaintance, and was physically unable to penetrate her more than half way. I have personally been with men with whom certain otherwise favorite positions were tragically off limits because it felt like they were trying to play billiards with my ovaries: not pleasant at all. Then there are some women who enjoy having their cervix bumped during sex, and other women who are so sensitive they'd rather be with a man who can't penetrate them fully.

In a way, men on the smaller end of the scale are actually the luckier ones. Even a very small man with an open minded partner might find that a combination of toys, anal sex and creative positions more than makes up for less-than-earth-shaking vaginal penetration. In my own experience, a smaller partner can accomplish great things with a combination of stamina and mutual flexibility! (Maybe someone should start couples yoga classes especially for 'petite' men and their partners?) A man who's partner can't fully accommodate him, on the other hand, is pretty much either stuck with never being able to stick it all the way in, or with finding another woman.

So, in short, yes. Size matters. But different sizes matter differently to different women, for different reasons. Looking at my ruler right now, I'm estimating a good 4" range between the lower and upper end of men who had no particular problem getting me off … the lower end involved a bit more acrobatics, and the upper end had to forgo doggie-style, but that still leaves a lot to be done in both cases. I'm wagering the vast majority of men aren't going to have much problem finding a woman who's personal size preferences are a perfect match.