Archive for the 'Sex 101' category

Luna Beads PC Exercisers

Get your PC muscles in shape with Luna Beads!

Luna Beads kegel exerciser
Luna Beads are marketed as an exercise aid for toning your pelvic floor muscles; an alternative to doing kegel exercises, if you will. They're rather like a large set of ben wa balls, with a silicone harness to keep them in position for optimal effect. Optimal exercise effect, that is, because on the grand scale of things to induce sexual excitement, they really didn't do much for me.

Appearance/Construction: Luna Beads come in a downright elegant and sturdy black storage box. There are two pairs of semi-translucent balls, a pink pair and a blue pair, with a white silicone harness. The kit also comes with a classy little drawstring pouch to store your assembled set (perfect if you want to carry them with you). Everything about Luna Beads is definitely high quality, and aesthetically tasteful.

The hollow outer beads are made of PC-ABS plastic, with weighted rubberized balls inside each sphere. They fit, via molded ridges, into the durable silicone harness (awkwardly called a "composition girdle" in the user manual). One ball in each color coded set has a synthetic loop of string (the "retraction leash"), to facilitate removal.

Features & Usage: Each pair of colored ABS beads provide a different level of exercise. The light pink balls are 28 grams each, and the light blue balls are 37 grams apiece. Depending on the current fitness level of your pelvic floor muscles (PC muscles), you can wear one ball in the harness, wear both 28g balls, one of each set, or both 37g balls at once (at which point you can tell people you have blue balls … sorry, couldn't resist that one!).

According to the user manual (and I do suggest reading it … which is a rarity in the relatively self-explanatory world of sex toys) simply inserting one or two balls in the silicone harness, and wearing them for 30 minutes a day will auto-magically exercise your PC muscles the same way diligent kegels will.

Technique: Put simply, insert the assembled bead/harness set, and go on about your business.

The manual recommends starting with one or two of the lighter-weight balls at first, until your muscles get used to them. Personally, I didn't have any trouble wearing both of the heavier balls right from the start, but if you've given birth, your pelvic muscles might be in need of a little more strengthening than that.

Conclusion: Some women claim their Luna Beads make activities like climbing stairs or riding a stationary bicycle a whole new experience. Sadly, either because I have vaginal muscles of steel or I'm just an insensitive cow, I hardly noticed them most of the time. I wore them all day at work once, and didn't notice much of anything except an ocassional "shifting" sensation when the weighted balls moved around. But, if you consider them more of an exercise machine than a toy, I suppose that's all well and good.

Luna Beads would be more properly thought of as a "sexual health aid" than an actual sex toy. While (apparently) some women find them quite stimulating to wear, buying a set thinking you're going to have the long, slow orgasm of your life would probably be a mistake. However, if you keep meaning to do kegels regularly, but keep blowing it off like any other well-intentioned exercise regimen, they're an easy and relatively fun way to achieve the same effect.

If you're looking for a really exciting way to work your pelvic muscles, I'd suggest a remote control toy like the Cry Baby (an insertable bullet vibe with a remote control … just imagine the mischief you could get into with a willing accomplice!). However Luna Beads are intended primarily as a muscle-toning aid, not an orgasm machine, and the benefits of strong pelvic floor muscles are many and varied! Stronger sensation during orgasms, being able to provide greater stimulation to your male partner during penetration, and improved bladder control are just the benefits that spring to mind… so Luna Beads could well be a worthwhile investment, even if they don't make you weak at the knees!

Orgasms: How does a man know?

Q: How can I tell if my girlfriend is faking it when we have sex?

Well, the short answer is that you can't. A woman who knows how her body responds when she's really having an orgasm should be able to do a good enough job of faking it to fool almost anyone.

Now, if you're really worried about it, the best thing you can do is not become the world's foremost orgasm investigator, hoping your amazing powers of perception prevent any possible deception on the part of your sex partners. For one thing, you'll be so busy trying to "read" her reactions, your performance will probably suffer as a result … making it even MORE likely that she resorts to faked ecstasy. For another, your enjoyment will suffer, because you'll be so paranoid about whether she's enjoying herself, you won't be able to relax and enjoy yourself either.

Some women may have an orgasm during foreplay, but not during intercourse. Some women may have orgasms during intercourse, but only in certain positions. Some women are quieter, some noisy. Some women may have smaller orgasms really easily, but rarely have a really earth-shaking one … some women may have multiple orgasms while they're in bed, some may rarely have one at all. And as if all that isn't confusing enough, even when a woman does have an orgasm, it won't always be the same as the last one.

The best thing you can do is either talk to her openly about it, or (assuming that would be awkward for you, and something you'd really rather not do), just concentrate on learning what she likes in bed, and then make sure you do more of it. Do you notice her reacting differently when you do different things during foreplay, and can you tell which things she likes best?

Pay attention to how she reacts to what you do … not with the intent of figuring out if she's faking it, but with the intent of figuring out what she really likes best. You may never find out whether she fakes orgasms or not, but you'll definitely become a better lover, and the more she enjoys herself the less likely she'd ever need or want to fake it to begin with!

Orgasms: How does a woman know?

Q: How do women know when dey had an orgasm o when they r about 2 have 1?

Hmmm. See, this is one of those "you just know" kind of things … since you gave a female name, I'm going to assume you're not sure if you've ever had one. I would hazard to say if you're not sure, you very well may not have … but keeping that in mind, orgasms can feel very different depending on how you achieve them.

For instance, if you're masturbating using a vibrator on your clit, the orgasm will feel a lot different than if you're using something like a rabbit vibe which also gives you vaginal stimulation. (Sex toys are a great way to make masturbation both easier and a lot more fun!) And if you have an orgasm from someone performing oral sex on you, it's a lot different than if you have one during vaginal sex (fyi: a lot of women do need clitoral stimulation to orgasm during vaginal sex), and that is different still compared to an orgasm during anal sex.

It's hard to say how each individual woman is going to feel right before she has an orgasm, but there's a pretty much universal sign of when you are having one, or when you just have: Your pelvic muscles will contract repeatedly, without you making it happen. It's the same muscle contraction as a kegel exercise (try squeezing your muscles to make yourself stop peeing … that's exactly the muscles I'm talking about). Your heart rate also increases, and many women's nipples get hard … but since you're usually not taking your pulse or looking at your own nipples when it happens, that's not so helpful when you're trying to figure it out yourself. ;-)

One of the best ways for a woman to learn about her own orgasms is to give herself a lot of them, in a lot of different ways. Not only does your body "learn" to be responsive to a lot of different stimulation, but it can even help you orgasm easier during sex. A couple of good books that can help you learn new, fun, effective ways to masturbate are Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation, and Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving.

Good luck and have fun! :-)

Premature Ejaculation: Ways for him to last longer

premature ejaculationQ: As soon as my husband enters me he cums in 2-3 strokes, and our sex finishes in a few seconds. Sometimes he cums without even entering me. So I'm not able to enjoy my sex life. Please suggest any medicine or treatment for my husband, so that we can enjoy our sex life.

Premature ejaculation is a surprisingly common problem. Although most men only experience PE once in a while, some unlucky guys (and it sounds like your husband is unfortunately one of them) have a chronic, ongoing problem with PE.

There are a few commonly recommended work-arounds, and the hope with all of them is that the man will get used to not ejaculating so quickly, and be able to have normal sex without worry eventually. If he's had this problem for a long time, there's a good chance it will take a while to fix it (and if he's had this problem his whole life, there's a good chance he'd benefit from professional help).

First, I'll list some methods people use to try and delay ejaculation:

  • The "Squeeze" Method: When your husband feels like he's really close to ejaculating, he tells you, and you quickly squeeze the end of his penis like so: Put your thumb on the bottom of the penis, just beneath the head, and wrap your other fingers around behind the top of the head. Squeeze your thumb against your other fingers, and hold it for a few seconds until your husband says he's not about to come any more. Then resume intercourse until he's about to orgasm again, and repeat the squeeze as necessary until you're both ready for him to cum.
  • The Interruption Method: When your husband feels he's really close to ejaculating, he stops whatever he's doing and just sits still for a few seconds until he calms down a little. If, as you say, he sometimes orgasms before he even penetrates you, you may need to try something more serious (like the Squeeze) before the Interruption method will work.
  • Heavy Condoms: An "extra strength" condom features thicker latex than normal condoms, which helps reduce sensation for the man. (Durex and Lifestyles both offer extra strength styles) If that isn't enough to slow him down, you can also try …
  • Desensitizing Cream: Desensitizing creams are applied to the head of the penis shortly before sex, and then wiped off when the desired level of numbness is reached. By reducing the sensation felt in the most sensitive part of the man's penis, he can often delay ejaculation considerably. However, putting on too much of these gels or creams can either cause the man to lose his erection, or cause numbness in the woman. A good way to avoid that risk is to use Durex Performax condoms or Trojan Extended Pleasure condoms, which feature a special inner lubricant that help numb the penis slightly, without affecting the woman.
  • Kegel Exercises: As I described in my post to the man who wanted to ejaculate longer, kegel exercises can also help premature ejaculators, by strengthening some of the muscles that control ejaculation, as well as giving the man more control over them. To do a kegel, you squeeze your pelvic muscles like you are trying to stop peeing. Since cum also exits through the urethra, being able to "close" your urethra at will allows a man to stop ejaculation also.

Next, I'll list some techniques that will help you enjoy sex with your husband even when he does suffer premature ejaculation. The really great thing about these tips is that they can also help solve the real problem, because PE is often related to anxiety about being able to perform sexually. If you can both learn to enjoy sex together without even worrying about when he orgasms, it can relieve his possible anxiety enough that it's not a problem in the first place!

  • Use toys on yourself: If you can use a little vibrator on yourself, and have an orgasm during foreplay or very quickly after penetration, when your husband penetrates you, even if he comes almost immediately, you've already had an orgasm too.
  • Try a cock ring: Cock rings fit snugly around the base of the penis and scrotum. They work by restricting the exiting blood flow of the penis, so a man can get an erection, but it's very hard to lose it. If your husband were able to maintain his erection after he ejaculates, then you could continue having sex long enough for you to have an orgasm also. Then, when you're both satisfied, he takes the cock ring off, and the erection goes away. (Be careful to get a cock ring that stretches, or one that adjusts with snaps, or has another adjustment method to tighten and remove it. Using a cock ring that's too small, and doesn't stretch enough to remove, can mean a trip to the hospital!)
  • Don't always "have sex": If your husband can bring you to orgasm with oral sex, or toys, or you can use a vibrator during foreplay, you can both have orgasms without even trying to have him penetrate you. You could give each other oral sex, or he could use a toy on you while you give him a blow job, or he could masturbate himself while he watches you use a toy. The idea here is that you both have fun together, and you both get off, and he learns that orgasms and penetration are not always connected.
  • Masturbate him first: If he has one orgasm, and then you fool around together until he can get a second erection, you can have regular sex the second time he gets up. Since he's already come once, he probably won't orgasm as quickly the second time, and since you've gotten a lot of extra foreplay, you'll be turned on enough that you should be able to come more quickly than usually. Hopefully, your orgasms meet somewhere in the middle. If he comes quickly the second time, you can always keep fooling around and see if the third time really is a charm!

The other common way of approaching premature ejaculation is through therapy. Finding a couples counselor who has experience dealing with premature ejaculation may help both of you. They'll be able to work with you to create exercises to do together to help your husband relax and last longer. The downside of professional therapy is that it's a lot more expensive than the other options here … so you might want to try some of them first, and consider counseling if nothing seems to be helping.

Standing Up Sex: Not just for gymnasts

standing sex positions: evolved dogQ: What are some standing-up sex positions? I am a girl, and my boyfriend is strong enough to lift me up for long amounts of time…but I need some options, here.

Well, first I wrote down all the standing positions I could think of, and then I went looking for other sources, to see if I missed anything. I was hoping there were more standing sex positions than I'd come up with, but human anatomy has its limitations, and it seems my imagination was equal or better than any of the reference sites I found.

I'm pretty sure any other positions would involve serious contortionism, but if you do come up with any others that work, please leave a comment on this post and share them!

Naturally, any of these positions that involve both parties standing (hands or feet) on the ground will have issues with your height relative to one another. No worries though … if you have a staircase handy, or a small footstool or step ladder, most height problems can be resolved pretty easily!

So, without further ado: Four standing sex positions, with variations:

  1. "Evolved Dog" or, Rear-Entry Probably the most obvious and perhaps most common of the standing sex positions, this one has a lot of different names. I like "evolved dog," because it's just doggy style standing on two legs … *cymbal crash* … Anyhow, the idea is that the woman stands with her back to the man, bends over to some degree, and he enters her from behind. Also works great for anal penetration.

    Variations: Put one leg up on a stair step, or stool, or chair, to change the angle of penetration. Lean over a counter top or kitchen appliance … or whatever else is handy. Lean against the wall. Don't lean on anything, and have the rear partner hold your hips, then reach back and hold his wrists.

  2. "Tango" or, Face-to-Face, supported The basic position here is a couple standing facing each other, the woman's arms around the man's shoulders/torso, with one of the woman's legs raised, to facilitate penetration. Great for couples who want to hug and kiss during sex … or listen to tango music.

    Variations: The man can stand in front of a chair or ladder, so the woman can support her leg by resting her foot on it. The man can lift the woman's leg for her, by hooking his arm under the crook of her knee (generally also resting his hand on her buttocks … or could be manually stimulating her anus). The woman could stand with her back to the wall, bend her leg sharply, and brace her foot on the wall. The woman could stand on a stair step or small platform, and wrap her leg behind the man's leg (since raising the leg wouldn't be necessary).

  3. "Carrier" or, Face-to-Face, suspended This is probably the group of positions you were thinking of when you mentioned the fact your boyfriend could hold you up. The basic position is facing each other, with the woman's arms around the man's shoulders, and her legs around his waist. The man helps support the woman with his hands under her buttocks.

    Variations: Resting the woman's back against a wall can help support her weight. If the man stands in front of a wall, the woman can brace her feet on the wall to help with thrusting. The man can hook his elbows under the woman's knees to change the angle of penetration. If the man's arms start getting tired, he can move to where the woman can sit on a counter-top or table, while he remains standing. Flexible women might be able to rest their legs on their partner's shoulders, for maximum penetration depth.

  4. "Wheelbarrow" or, some kind of fucked-up handstand Remember the "wheelbarrow" game when you were a kid? One kid had their hands on the ground, and the other kid picked up their legs at the knees, like wheelbarrow handles, and walked them around on their arms. Fast forward (quite) a few years, take off your clothes, and get the person holding up your legs to take a step or two further forward, and you have the Wheelbarrow standing sex position. Your arms are in push-up position, and your man stands behind you, holding you up by the hips, while you wrap your legs around his lower back. Sort of a modified standing position, since he's the only one on his feet, but there you go.

    Variations: The woman could rest her elbows on a bed, couch, etc. The man could kneel on the bed, with the woman on the floor in front of him. Both partners could move up onto the bed, with the man kneeling and the woman resting on her elbows, or laying on her chest. The woman could lay on her back, resting on her shoulders, on the bed, while the man stood next to the bed, holding up her hips.

Honorable Mention: Vertical 69 Just what it sounds like … the woman wraps her legs around the man's shoulders, and her arms around his hips. He holds her up by wrapping his arms around her waist. They perform oral sex on each other. Or at least they try to, for as long as the woman can hold on without blacking out or getting a serious headache.